by Madeleine Brown
I grew up on fashion magazines. I trailed behind my older sister on numerous shopping expeditions. I had a childhood best friend whose own older sister was scouted by a modelling agency and became a catwalk model as a teen. This is all to say while my own personal style lies somewhere between sweatpants and “eccentric”, I get style. But I certainly don’t think all of those so-called rules of fashion allow for optimal enjoyment when gorging on pizza with friends or a fancy shmancy dinner date. I’m not getting into a discussion of infamous model diets consisting of Diet Coke and tomatoes; I’m talking sheer practicality here for us normal folk. Don’t let another solid outfit ruin another potentially amazing meal. Follow my own rules of fashion when it comes to all occasions eating. And, I mean really eating. (That means seconds and maybe even thirds!)
The more elastic the waistband, the easier the digestion
The rule says it all and it’s a classic followed by many. From holiday dinners to all-you-can buffets, why let your waistband get between you and your food? It’s why I shamelessly opt for sweatpants when invited to dinner more often than not. No matter what you or your company says, no one actually cares what you’re wearing. And, if they do their own date clearly isn’t interesting enough. Sure, when we get into Michelin-star territory probably you should suit up. At the same time those places don’t aim to bloat their guests to a serious degree of discomfort, so dressing up shouldn’t disrupt any activity down below. (Not that low!) I’d go as far as skipping waistbanded garments altogether when eating out. Try a dress (as long as it’s warm enough to also skip the tights), muumuu, paperbag or trenchcoat (loosely tied of course).
Forget the whites
Yeah, sure that white blouse looks real sexy now, but just wait until the spaghetti sauce lands right there. (You know the spot I’m referring to.) You won’t look so hot then, will you? Not to mention the unnecessary elbow grease you’ll have to expend washing it. No one wants to spend a meal out carefully monitoring plate to mouth transportation. You just want to dig in and maybe even get a bit messy. Along those lines, I’d say avoid any garment that’s particular delicate in general. You need an occasion to wear those grubby—probably free—university and college t-shirts, right? This is it!
Rein in the mane
If you’d rather not have your server’s hair in your food, why would you want yours? I don’t care if a) you’ve been growing it forever, b) your mom never let you have a full-grown beard or c) you just got that perm. Pull. It. Back. And, cover it up for that matter. Until it’s deemed a superfood (it is a source of protein, no?) or starts trending, hair doesn’t improve any dish. It can also just be plain bothersome especially when it comes to any broth-based dish that requires one to lean in nice and close to your dish to slurp up every last drop. Tie it up or give a headscarf or hat a go.